The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

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GROWN UP MATH: If you set your alarm for 8:30 a.m., but press SNOOZE at a rate of 4 slams per min, how many meetings will you sleep through?

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 27, 2017

*dad calls me at work*

me: "hi?" *thinks some1 died*

dad: COULD U BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD? COULD U BE? IT'S PLAIN 2 SEE

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) March 27, 2017

“Yes, I’m here for my meeting with Mike Pence.” http://pic.twitter.com/WUF9C1wDN8

— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) March 30, 2017

being able to eat as much candy as you want is both the best and worst part of being an adult

— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) March 30, 2017

Holding onto the hope that most of 2017 has been an April Fool's joke

— Hollis Miller (@missehollis) March 31, 2017

POTUS. Speaker of the House. Secretary of Education. Secretary of Defense. http://pic.twitter.com/MoDWBDBmt1

— Amanda (@amandapractica) March 27, 2017

if procrastination is an art, i belong in the god damn MoMA

— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) March 25, 2017

desperately trying to pretend that carrots are a snack

— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) March 30, 2017

i like you, but i'm not sure if i 62-hours-of-game-of-thrones-catch-up-so-we-can-watch-it-together-when-new-episodes-are-back like you

— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) March 30, 2017

"So, how's y'all lil health care bill going?" http://pic.twitter.com/nfqyyiKNmp

— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) March 24, 2017

I'll be 34 in May and sometime in the last year I hit my lifetime capacity for men's bullshit.

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) March 24, 2017

My favorite place to cry is Target it's like yeah I'm feeling my feelings but bitch I gotta buy the essentials

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) March 30, 2017

Crayola announced it is retiring the yellow crayon. The same moment, blue hugs green and whispers, "It's gonna be ok. We'll figure it out."

— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) March 31, 2017

When you laying in your coffin at your funeral dead and you don't hear your man crying http://pic.twitter.com/3npZAyo4AF

— Lovita Alizé Jenkins (@xoxoxMinnie) March 28, 2017

"That's crazy!"- Me, not listening to you.

— Queen of the Damned (@Cpt_Burnout) March 24, 2017

void of despair emoji

— roxane gay (@rgay) March 31, 2017

Twitter has made me Anti-Love and Pro-Fuck off.

— Just Jen (@JustJenBlue) March 31, 2017

nothing threatens the sanctity of marriage more than mike pence calling his wife "mother"

— Ziwe (@ziwe) March 30, 2017

if you're a person clapping for trump's "women's empowerment" speech literally what led you to this moment in your life?

— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) March 29, 2017

I just used "non sequitur" in a sentence, in case you thought you were the one having a good day

— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) March 27, 2017

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